Camping Fun (2020).

Camping Fun is the newest horror short from writer/director Thomas Burke. It’s 13 minutes long, just go watch it before you read the rest of the review - I’ll make it super easy for you. No seriously, because I’m about to spoil some stuff in it. You’ve been warned if you read on without watching it.

“I saw a little girl run across that field, near the abandoned house.”

- David

Camping Fun is a found footage flick set in Texas. The set-up is that in 2014, four friends went missing…after six years of silence, investigators recovered a partially damaged video camera, positively identifying the group and their last recorded footage.

I think there’s a lot of potential here. The atmosphere certainly is creepy and you instantly get a sense of who the characters are without spending a lot of time with them. This short also works because I’m not sure you’d want to spend a lot of time with these characters…it’s not that they aren’t well written, but rather that they’re the kind of people that I would want to hang out with for more than 13 minutes. I guess that’s a testament to the writing. The film whizzes by and gets right into the thick of things with the weirdness that’s going on, and although you don’t really know what’s happening (or why) when it’s over, the journey was fun.

“You shouldn’t have slept with him.”

- Lauren

There are two criticisms that I have with the short. The first is that, although found footage films are supposed to be chaotic and shaky, I do think that the shot of the girl in the field (the best shot of the film, in my opinion) had it’s impact lessened by the camera movements. I find it hard to believe that David, holding the camera, want to (or wouldn’t be able to) focus in on that strange moment to capture it both for the documentary they were filming and to show his friends directly afterwards (instead he just walks in and tells them what he saw, but they don’t believe him…SHOW THEM THE FUCKING FOOTAGE, MAN! YOU’RE HOLDING THE DSLR!).

“It’s not my fault you’re stupid.”

- A great boyfriend

The second is that there’s no big “HOLY SHIT” moment that will linger with you forever (and they had a really great opportunity for one!). Think…the ending of The Blair Witch Project, or the girl from The Ring. There’s a scene near the end of the short when Lauren is choking Jamie to death on a table as the footage sort of freezes in and out - what if, instead of choking her, as Jamie puts up a fight, Lauren snaps the top half of Jamie’s jaw back unnaturally against the edge of the table, dislocating it from her lower jaw and leaving half of her lifeless skull looking directly into the camera…lingering for just a moment too long before transitioning to the next shot?

I think there were some great ideas at play here and I’m really looking forward to what Thomas Burke does next. I think it’s definitely worth a watch and it won’t take up much of your time.

What do you think the sinister plan was at play? A cult? Vampires? Was this Lauren’s first lured group? So…many…questions…

Pieces (1982).

This movie is really hard to put into words, but I’m going to give it the ol’ college try.

Pieces is the tale of a boy who gets caught by his mother while putting together a jigsaw puzzle of a naked woman, so he chops her head off. When the cops come to investigate, they find him cowering in a closet, as if someone else committed the horrific crime. Solid start, I must say. 40 years later, he emerges (dressed like the 1940’s noir character The Shadow for some reason) on a college campus, putting the same ratty puzzle together while collecting the body parts of attractive young women.

“Right now we’re just buying clothes without labels and trying them on for size.”

- Detective Bracken

You have to be in the right mindset to watch Pieces. This movie is BONKERS. If you go into it with the mindset that you’re doing to be seeing a serious slasher film, you’re going to have a bad time. The dialogue was originally in Spanish (it’s original title translates to ‘The Night Has 1,000 Screams’), so it’s dubbed (hilariously) and the acting is atrocious. The story makes zero sense. Grab your alcoholic beverage of choice, smoke some weed, and gather with some friends (safely, of course) and you’ll have an awesome time.

The gore effects are quite good. The killer’s weapons of choice are a chainsaw and a knife, so you see all the steel-on-limb action you can handle. Like many 80’s slashers, most of the victims are attractive, topless females.

The most beautiful thing in the world is smoking pot and fucking on a waterbed, at the same time.

- Some female student, ripe for the killing

There are some things that happen in this movie that cannot be explained and are just absolutely batshit crazy. The police allow a student named Kendall to just…be part of the team that is attempting to catch this serial killer (team is a loose term here, because it consists of one tennis pro-turned-policewoman named Mary Riggs who is undercover posing as the school tennis coach, two cops who spend all of their time at the station doing other things, and this kid).

Another great example - at one point, Mary is sneaking around the gymnasium listening for odd sounds. Out of the dark jumps a blue jumpsuit wearing Bruce Lee clone, who kicks at her a few times for no good reason. While on the ground, Mary punts Bruce Clone in the sack, and he falls to the ground until Kendall runs over and picks him up. Here’s the actual dialogue written:

Kendall: “Oh, hey, it's my Kung Fu professor. What's the story, Chao?”

Chao: “Ohhh, I am out jogging and next thing I know I am on ground! Something I eat, bad chop suey. So long!”

Kendall: “Take it easy!”

Mary laughs it off and the “Kung Fu professor” (whatever the fuck that means) is never seen again. So weird, but so hilarious.

“While we out here fumbling with that music... the lousy bastard was in there, KILLING HER! BASTARD! BAAAAASTAAARD! BASTAAARD!”

- Mary Riggs

I mean…a girl skateboards into a glass pane and it just cuts away, never to be seen again. The killer’s chainsaw is found by the police, and he has it again in the next scene. This thing is full of gaffes that will have you laughing all night long. Oh, and the final shot of the movie? It makes absolutely zero sense and seems like it’s out of a different movie entirely, but I promise you’ll be talking about it as the credits roll. I know I’ll never forget it.

Grindhouse Releasing put a lot into the Blu-ray set, you have to hand it to them. In addition to a fantastic 4K transfer from the original 35mm can, you get two cuts of the film (the American version at 83 minutes and the Spanish version at 86 minutes). The best thing about the Spanish cut is that it adds the original score - the cut footage is really nothing special, unless you care about watching this stupid killer put his fucking 40 year old jigsaw puzzle back together CONSTANTLY. Like…dude, just put it together once and keep it together. It’s less than 100 pieces total.

“The killer is either someone who is on or near the campus!”

- A super smart detective

The set also includes the soundtrack to the film, a commentary by film“red herring” Jack Taylor, the full-length documentary 42nd Street Memories (which doesn’t have anything to do with Pieces, but is a fantastic doc about the New York Grindhouse scene), and more. It’s a really solid set and Grindhouse Releasing should get a lot of credit here.

Overall, I had a great time with this. Like I said, if you’re in the right mindset, this film is a blast and it’ll play great with a crowd.